I broke cos I’m broken

Whatever… I worked my ass off today… left at 7am to ride my bike 25 min in 2 degrees and got home at 6pm… not as cold riding home… but I look like a suicide bomber!,

But I am surviving. Had a lovely quiet drink of gin and coke last night to relax, had no problems, happy but lonely ( yes, HE is away!) had to buy a bottle of gin on the way home so he wouldn’t bitch at me when he got home cos I drank some from the bottle in the cupboard… so I poured some back in and now get to have a drink tonight from my own bottle 😁 anyway…. he has been very nice lately. I do know exactly what is happening now… I figured it out, but that doesn’t help.

Thinking about what makes me happy… my lady cave… going out to build and fix and play with wood and stuff… now it is full of stuff and I can’t go in there and work on my projects. Fire.. if you have followed me, you will know nothing soothes my soul like sitting outside with a fire burning out back and some music playing on my iPad… not allowed any more. We live in the middle of fucking nowhere… but apparently HE read the minutes of the latest council meeting and someone complained about someone on my road having fires all the time on their property. Complained to the council. Soo, even though I haven’t had a fire in months now, he thinks it must be me. So I can’t go outside and have a fire in my little fire pit. Other thing that would make me happy is a puppy. I wasn’t allowed one when we got here because it would be too hard to go on holidays and have His cat, my son’s dog AND a puppy looked after. We haven’t gone anywhere at all. Not even a one night sleepover at a B and B… I haven’t even seen London, and he is there all week as I write this post. It has been a year and 4 months. So, I asked for a puppy for Christmas. NO. Not until we own our own house.

Whatever.

No lady cave, no fire, no puppy… every day while he is working away posting to me the restaurant he is eating at, I am just here. Working, coming home and eating nuggets and chips, or pasties for dinner because I have such a strict shopping budget.

Whatever. I am just so lonely. I want to talk, laugh, interact. I work alone, I have no friends, no family, I am trying to stay happy but all of my coping mechanisms are being taken away,

And I have no support.

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One thought on “I broke cos I’m broken

  1. Bad controlling husbands or wives should be sent to a locked up rehabilitation centre for psychiatric assessment and daily follow up treatments. Maybe after five or ten years of being controlled in everything from eating to showering or exercising they would change but who knows. I hate people like this trust me. I know people will say I should not express my views being an author. I think we all have to help out our fellow human beings on earth and in eternity after

    Liked by 1 person

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